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#22 Embracing Authenticity: Queer RelationTips and Navigating Coming Out

Isaac Archuleta

Navigating the Uncharted Waters of Coming Out in a Religious Community

Coming out is a deeply personal journey, often marked by courage and resilience. For those in religious communities, this journey can be particularly challenging. In this blog post, we’ll delve into the experiences of Heidi Redmauer, a young woman who grew up in a small town in Idaho, deeply ingrained in the LDS (Latter-day Saint) community. Heidi’s story is both enthralling and a testament to the strength of the human spirit as she navigated the complexities of coming out in a religious setting.

The Burden of Secrecy:

From a young age, Heidi knew she was different from her peers. She struggled to conform to societal norms, even refusing to wear girls’ clothes in elementary school. As she got older, her feelings deepened, and she began to experience a longing for a level of intimacy with her female friends that went beyond mere friendship.

These feelings, while natural to her, clashed with the teachings of her religious community. The church’s doctrine labeled same-sex attraction as an apostasy, instilling a sense of shame and self-condemnation within her.

The Pain & Challenges

As Heidi’s feelings grew stronger, she felt compelled to hide her true self, adopting a façade that felt like a shell of her real identity. Her appearance and mannerisms changed, and she struggled to reconcile her true feelings with the expectations of her community.

After completing her undergraduate studies, Heidi decided to embark on a new chapter by pursuing her graduate degree in Denver, Colorado. This move was partly motivated by her desire to break free from the confines of her small town and find an environment where she and her wife could thrive.

Leaving her hometown meant leaving behind family and friends entrenched in the LDS community. Heidi and her wife faced social isolation as they sought to build new connections in an unfamiliar city.

Heidi’s journey took a dramatic turn when she ended up in the hospital with serious complications following a surgery. During her hospitalization, her girlfriend at the time, despite the stress of the situation, outed them to Heidi’s younger sister. This unexpected revelation set off a chain of events that led to Heidi coming out to her parents.

The Explosive Revelation:

The coming-out conversation with her parents was explosive and emotional. Heidi faced anger, confusion, and rejection from her family, especially her father, who initially wanted to kick her out of the house.

The Ongoing Struggle:

Heidi’s coming-out story is a testament to the enduring pain of not receiving understanding and acceptance from those closest to her. She still carries the weight of her family’s disapproval, and the wounds remain unhealed.


Heidi Redmauer’s story shines a light on the challenges faced by LGBTQ+ individuals in religious communities. Her journey is a poignant reminder of the courage it takes to be true to oneself in the face of societal and familial expectations. While the road may be fraught with difficulties, Heidi’s story also serves as a testament to the resilience of the human spirit and the power of love to conquer adversity.

Episode Description

In this episode, we have a brilliant young therapist who’s about to graduate with her master’s degree in clinical mental health counseling, planning to set up shop in Idaho. She shares with us an incredible journey of what it felt like to be a child in the The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and being outed by someone she loved, being forced to grapple with the ramifications.

Content Mentioned In Episode

Heidi’s blog post  

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