#19 Women’s History Month: Including All Women’s Experiences

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Episode Description

Paula Williams is a brilliant public speaker with a background as a radio show host, college professor, public speaking coach, trans psychotherapist, TV show producer, CEO, clergy, and way more. She holds a doctorate, has millions of views among her 4 TedTalks and is about to release a book on June 1 entitled As A Woman: What I Learned About Power, Sex, and Patriarchy After I Transitioned, available for preorder now.

She and Isaac discuss the histories of trans women, the roles men have played in initiating and sustaining patriarchy, and the effects it has on women.

Links To Content Mentioned in Episode

• As A Woman – What I Learned About Power, Sex, and the Patriarchy After I Transitioned 
• TedTalk: I’ve lived as a man & a woman — here’s what I learned
• The New Rules of Marriage by Terrance Real

Timestamps

00:02:37 – Medical care and trans specific reference intervals

00:04:48 – Concerns about the debate about the cisgender female expereince versus the transfemale expereince

00:06:00 – Paula’s speaking engagement topics often focus on differences in experiencing life as a man versus a woman

00:06:47 – How would the future of women be different if we could do the work that needs to be done?

00:07:34 – “The work we have to do, I think, has to start individually and via narrative.”

00:08:49 – Paula recognizing the privilege she has brought with her as she lives her life

00:09:44 – The empathy Paula has based on the journey she has had

00:10:56 – Paula losing confidence in herself over the years after she transitioned

00:12:02 – Different women’s experiences in different parts of the world

00:13:21 – Gendered roles in Roman gay bar. 

00:14:05 – The psychological effects of patriarchy

00:15:05  – “Deference is not a respected male trait. Men see deference as weakness and when I’m speaking to groups, I’ll say to men…the first step to deference is to be an ally and that means being fully supportive of the women in your world. Saying, ‘I’m here. I’m going to use the power I have to support you,’ but that’s not actually deference. Deference is to take the next step to become an accomplice, or if that word doesn’t strike your fancy, an assistant, to allow the women to tell you what they need you to do. And the push back on that is consistent to say the least. They don’t want to. ‘Yeah, I’ll think about being an ally, but, wow, wait wait , you want the women to tell me what I should be doing?’ Yeah, I want you to work at their direction. That actually is deference.”

00:16:31 – “Men have to stop seeing the request of women as controlling tactics and see them as legitimate requests for men to grow.” Terrance Reel

00:17:00 – “If the man on a thermometer was at 100 degrees and just boiling hot and then he slides down to 70 degrees and he says ‘look I made some improvement,’ but maybe the women in our world are asking us to actually be 10 degrees. Maybe that’s where we’re functional.”

00:17:19 – “There is just no way an educated white man can understand how much the world is tilted in his favor.” 

“A white man walks into a room, he goes into a business meeting, he doesn’t have to give up part of himself at the door. He doesn’t have to do any code switching. Everything in that meeting has been designed for him. And so he walks into that meeting, doesn’t have to shift use of language, the tone of his voice, the accent with which he speaks. Nothing. And he’s the only one who gets that privilege.”

19:53 – Women’s contributions need to be taken as essential for the future of the species.

00:21:23 – “The myth is that women are more emotional at work then men and yet the truth is men are far more emotional at work than women. The problem is, the emotion the men show is anger. It’s really the only one that our culture gives them permission to express.” 

00:22:38 – Discovery of different brain function pre- and post-hormonal treatment

00:25:00 – A valuable part of women’s history is the experience of a trans child

00:26:55 – Paula’s experience as a trans child

00:29:30 – The powerlessness in the stories of trans folks

00:30:15 – Paula working with LGBTQIA+ faith community and the Biden administration and passing the Equality Act

00:31:28 – The disappointing response of radical feminism to the reality of the trans woman’s experience

00:33:05 – When a transwoman feels like a fraud, like a man playing dress up

00:34:05 – Post transition suicidal ideations. Why? 

00:40:11 – We are the only tribal species where, if there is no enemy, we create one and prefer those enemies.

00:40:45 – Strong women leaders versus male leaders with climate change and COVID-19

00:42:20 – Being an alpha female in queer spaces

00:45:09 – Gay men are sometimes worst mysoginist than straight men. Why?

00:47:10 – There can be a hestitancy in the lesbian community to embrace transwomen

00:40:10 – Change happens one person at a time

Additional Resources 

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