Considering Open Relationships P3. | Knowing Your Gay Sexbrain Body | iAmClinic Blog

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Episode Introduction

Y’all know that life can be rough. Grief and death. Marriage and divorce. Relationships, love, belonging, and breakups. Life throws us so many hurdles to jump over and challenges to crawl through. Jamie, one of iAmClinic’s Associates sits with our guest who approaches life with such humor, ease, and joy that it makes life seem a little bit easier, something not to be taken with such seriousness. They bring a lifespan of insight and challenges that I hope you enjoy listening to and learning from.

I’m so thankful that we have queer siblings who have gone before us to literally pave the way for our version of love, our version of sex, our social equality, and our civil rights. It is with deep gratitude that we sat with our guest because he is one who has fought so hard for what we so easily access.

Episode Timestamps

2:47 – Tim talks about his experience in the 1980’s HIV/AIDS PTSD pandemic

5:49 – Tim begins talking about his current break up

6:10 – A reflection on past relationships

7:07 – How his current relationship first began

7:52 – Tim talks about his new memoir – Tale of Two Tims: Big Ol’ Baptist, Big Ol’ Gay

8:22 – Jamie asks how Tim is coping with all the grief he has experienced

10:09 – Boyfriends, Lovers, and Husbands. Finding “The One.”

11:49 – Feeling damaged for not having a long term partner

12:47 – Tim describes his boyfriend

13:20 – Overcoming organized religion indoctrination

14:17 – Learning to trust

15:03 – Open relationships

16:03 – Emotional monogamy and current boyfriend

18:07 – Why is emotional monogamy important for Tim?

19:49 – Why not having emotional monogamy makes Tim feel like he is not enough

22:20 – Tim’s insecurities push his boyfriend away

25:51 – What is holding Tim back from breaking up?

27:47 – “…knowing what’s best for you to do but this heart tug is really really strong.”

30:57  – What emotional monogamy would satisfy for Tim. Living in relation to another with an emotional attachment

32:17 – Be willing to be influenced by a partner and influence a partner

34:50 – Being equals in a relationship requires greater vulnerability to have that trust

35:35 – “The way in which he is choosing you, how does that, in your inner person, not feel like enough?”

37:40 – The Dream Man

40:11 – Relationship Triangle – Commitment, Intimacy, Passion

Debrief

43:42 – Jamie and Isaac talk about Tim’s experience with the HIV/AIDS epidemic

46:22 – Intergenerational identity development

48:01 – Gay older men’s sexuality presents differently than younger gay men

49:22 – How the 1970s/80s affected expressiveness and relational development in gay men

52:16 – Enmeshment by keeping people happy by hiding who we are

54:20 – Tim is fighting for relational alignment

55:36 – What is the definition of relational intimacy for me and what is it for my partner?

56:44 – 4 S’s – Safe, Secure, Soothed, Seen

59:12 – H2O analogy – being influenced and influencing

01:00:55 – 5 Domains of Intimacy – Social, Sexual, Spiritual/Passion, Intellectual, Emotional (Houses the Four S’s)

01:02:22 – COVID is a thief. Losing and grieving. The loss of Tim’s daughter

01:03:37 – Grief as an opening to invitation

01:05:15 – 5 Domains of Grief – Depression, Bargaining, Denial, Acceptance, Anger

01:06:18 – 3 P’s of Death that consumes – Pervasive, Permanence, Personalization

01:09:05 – Parts of Tim’s personality Isaac and Jamie would like to engender

 


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