#31 Queer RelationTips: Shame, Sex, & Healing from the Past Part 2

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Episode Description

Queer RelationTips host Isaac Archuleta sits back down with our guest from Part 1, to further explore Shame, Sex, and Healing.

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Episode Timestamps

Timestamps:

00:25 – Isaac introduces themes of this episode such as the self-concept and shame

1:35 – Isaac brings up the homework the guest was asked to work on in the last episode

2:00  – The guest discusses a recent hookup they had and the emotional experiences that came along with it 

4:44 – Isaac and the guest talk about how the experience of connectedness can sometimes feel wrong due to shame

7:11 – Isaac talks about feelings and experiences surrounding nakedness with the guest

8:25 – Isaac discusses how we create self-concepts

9:97 – Isaac talks about how sex and sexuality 

10:25 – The guest discusses the feeling of being gaslighted about their sexuality and reality 

11:44 – The guest talks about experiences of guilt he’s had with people surrounding their impressions of his behavior

13:19 – Isaac asks the guest about his prioritization of other people’s realities rather than his own 

15:44 – Isaac talks about how we feel the need to align ourselves with other people’s realities

17:40 – The guest talks about how he feels that the “independent” decisions he makes are seen, in his mind, as the opposite of what his parents want 

19:00 – The guest talks about not knowing what he wants all the time, but using his parents as a measure sometimes 

20:00 – Isaac talks about how parents can cause children to doubt their own self-knowing 

21:00 – Isaac discusses how to help see our desires as something positive and good 

22:45 – The guest discusses how sometimes things he wants feels like he is not allowed to have them, but others are

23:30 – Isaac asks the guest to imagine a scenario as themselves, and then as a straight person 

25:33 – Isaac discusses the ideas and feelings that are defined by others around coming out and being queer 

27:00 – Isaac talks about the idea of an implicit identity 

29:00 – Isaac and the guest talk about the feeling of needing to apologize for their actions or feelings

31:41 – Isaac asks how it would feel for the guest to experience their desire without any outside context 

34:00 – Isaac asks us to imagine what it would be like for a parent to be supportive of their child’s love and desires

35:20 – Isaac talks about giving ourselves permission, but also bringing in a support system that validates our feelings

37:00 – Isaac asks, could there be a sinful version of love if God is love? 

39:00 – Isaac talks about using Grindr in an act of starvation for love or connection

40:30 – Isaac talks about sex and sexuality that leaves you feeling like you honored your body and someone else’s 

42:00 – The guest and Isaac talk about how love can feel safer if it is platonic

43:20 – Isaac talks about how love can turn into a feeling of needing to perform for someone else

44:30 – The guest asks how to affirm someone

46:30 – Isaac talks about affirming experiences with friends

48:00 – The guest talks about gaining comfortability with straight friends, but using queer culture in a humurous way to make the friends feel more comfortable 

51:00 – Isaac asks how it would feel to openly talk about the guest’s life with straight friends

52:12 – The guest talks about how those friends lean on him for help at times, but he still feels uncomfortable be completely open

53:30 – Isaac talks about how we learn that our needs are a burden, but that it is something we need to unlearn with trusted people 

55:30 – The guest talks about being able to have moments of vulnerability in times of need

56:42 – Isaac talks being so hungry for something that we overindulge in a way that leaves us feeling sick 

58:50 – Isaac gives closing thoughts on the self-concept

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