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Episode Description

Queer RelationTips host Isaac Archuleta sits down with today’s guest to explore shame and their journey from past to present.

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Episode Timestamps

Timestamps:

00:20 – Isaac discusses the ways that hookups are accepted in the queer culture, but often still cause people to feel shame or guilt

02:20 – Isaac talks with a guest about their history and what led them to conversion therapy

03:17 – The guest discusses watching porn at an early age because they had access to the family computer

04:32 – The guest discusses discovering gay porn and the repurcussions of their parents finding out

07:35 – The guest discusses how they were sent to conversion therapy at 13 and the feelings they had about themselves up until the point of college

10:17 – Isaac asks about the therapists the the guest encountered

11:33 – Isaac asks about the messages that the guest “learned” throughout those years

12:45 – The guest discusses being in a sex addiction group as a young gay man with older straight men and the narratives that they built around sex and homosexuality

14:14 – The guest discusses how their narratives reinforced negative thought processes about their parents

15:10 – Isaac brings up how powerful these narratives are during such a developmental time of one’s life

16:36 – The guest brings up the expectations of linear progress

17:51 – Isaac asks how these narratives sound or feel like here and now for the guest

22:40 – The guest discusses how their mom affected the process and their feelings

29:12 – The guest discusses the progress that we have made as a society so far

30:25 – How religion and trauma can affect the way these parents view anything categorized as “sexually deviant”

31:30 – Isaac asks if there were any self soothing behaviors that came about as a result of the shame being experienced

40:00 – Discussion around the idea that the one thing that is the most soothing can be the one thing that brings the most shame

41:00 – Isaac discusses realizing that when we have pleasurable experiences that lead us to shame, they end up becoming co-mingled with the feeling of pleasure.

43:00 – Isaac discusses distinguishing between the shame from the innocence of the cravings that we have, and the sacredness of the innocence of our cravings

47:00 – the guest discusses the feelings of powerlessness that they had and how it has changed now that they have more agency

50:00 – Isaac asks the guest where they feel powerful in their life now

55:50 – Isaac discusses how religion typically acts to control people and can cause bigotry

58:30 – Regain desire to reclaim your power